Strong Perceptions

September 5, 2007

I want to be stronger. I think everyone wants that in some way. Men want to be buff and overweight in a shaped and chiseled way. Women want to be emotionally capable of not crying every time something life-like happens. I, I just want to be able to walk over Ken.

It’s been two days since I last spoke to him. I went to go get ice cream tonight and guess who is in the queue… KEN. He sends me a text after I leave asking me why I didn’t say hi to him… because I told you to leave me the fuck alone.

I wish I could just shut people out of my life. I wish I could be strong enough to say that once someone screws me over, they’re gone. I wouldn’t even flinch. I would be this strong, stoic individual who had nothing in his way. I was aimed and I was determined to make my life mine and keep the people I don’t want out of it. That is my definition of strong. I do not want to be the emotional wreck I am at this point of my life.

The thing is, would I become an unemotional person. Will I even remain a person if I traveled down that path? I want too much to be strong and not care about people if they hurt me or let me down. I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to be the weak one that gives in and calls every night when it gets a little tough and it’s cold. But I don’t want to lose touch of who I am.

I want to be stronger. I truly do… but maybe I have to realize that I can be strong. I can cut Ken out of my life. I just have to actually put my thoughts and words into action and suck all the venom he has injected into my veins out of my life. Stronger is what I would like to be. Emotions are what I would like to keep. Messiness is what I would like to rid myself off… Ken is out of the picture from now on.

That is strong.