Now I'm Gold.

September 11, 2007

Lately, the days have been getting cooler and the feelings have been changing. Seasons are definitely about to change and you can tell by the fact that everyone is getting sick and everyone is saying something about how last night was such a “fall” night. It’s definitely a sign; a good one.

I was talking to my friend Adriana last Thursday about how things can happen in sets of good and bad and how about her bad is finally over and the good is coming in. Of course, she was all infatuated with this boy and was enjoying all her classes and had great grades because she hadn’t taken any exams yet. It was kind-of a given. She was in perfect alignment with the universe because her silver lining had become gold. School and love, her priorities, were intact and doing well… for the first time in a while.

I on the other had love school, but love does not love me and it’s a mutual feeling. Right now my silver lining is the fact that I haven’t been sick yet and am not failing verifications. It’s like searching through the whole barrel in order to find the scraps of good in it. Like a dog, a desperate one. But I’m not desperate… I’m just trying hard to find the good in life in order to move on and forget about all the drama.

I haven’t spoken to Ken in about a week. Let me tell you, it’s been quite liberating. It’s so funny how the second time we decided to stop talking I totally gave him what he wanted, rather, asked for. He told me to “let it be”. I am letting it be. He’s not the main thing I think about, but he’s not the last thing I think about either. I’m honestly just waiting for him to call me and mess up my life again. I’m doing great in school and I finally have things going well again with my friends. I have a positive aura and I’m pretty sure he has a pager that lets him know when things are going great. As soon as it goes off…OH! Time to call!

However, things are really changing around here. I feel like a much more confident person. I feel like I can handle being single; granted, I’ve been single most of my life. But as far as Ken goes, my opinion of him has changed a lot lately and I definitely feel like my season of reverence for him is about to blow over. As the story goes between Ken and me, well, I was his silver lining. I was there for him after his breakup and always was a sure shot at attention around the clock. But now I’m gold and honestly to me at least, that means I’m way too good for him.