The "I wish I" & "I want to" Haves

Written on: August 26, 2007

It’s crazy how jealousy can dig at your roots and make you wonder about the past and make you miss it so much. Jealousy makes you linger on the “you wish you hads”. I wish I had this great relationship with an amazing person who spoiled me and loved me as much as I loved them. I mean I understand that at this point in time I am single for a reason and I understand that the last two relationships I have been in were disastrous. But I miss the title so much. And when I see my old high-school friends and current friends in these thriving commitments, it makes me want one that much more. It becomes my first priority “I wish I had”.

But I can’t let these people doom my thoughts. I can’t let these thoughts push me to the extreme of calling my ex-boyfriend that cheated on me and talking to him about how boring life is. I can’t break the month it’s been since I last spoke to him streak.

So I focus on the more tangible “I want to have”. Yes, I do want to have a great relationship. I want truth, hand-holding, cooking, flowers, everything… the works! But right now it’s not going to happen. I just need to realize that and understand it. But also, right now, all I want is to work my ass off at becoming a wonderfully strong independent single man who is thriving in nursing school; which by the way, starts tomorrow.

Good luck to me.

And by the way… it doesn’t hurt to call and talk to your cheating asshole ex-boyfriend and tell him how great life has been without him.